We are constantly on the look out for new and kinky things to try out in the bedroom in order to spice things up. Without these new techniques and tricks, sex can get very boring and repetitive, which is no fun for anyone. So we branch out a little, experimenting in bed with bondage, pain, and other fun things that we have been fantasising about for a long time. One of the big things that we keep thinking about lately is breath play.
It goes by a variety of names, such as breath control play, erotic asphyxiation, asphyxiophilia, autoerotic asphyxia and hypoxyphilia, but it is all about restricting the amount of oxygen that someone gets during sex, sometimes even to the point where the person passes out. It is said to heighten all of the senses and make sex more intense because of the lack of oxygen, but getting it right can be difficult. We have put together the ultimate guide to breath play, so whether you are looking for breath play for beginners or you are an expert wanting to refresh your skills, you’ll find all you need here.
Before we even start to talk about the different things that you can do with breath play, we need to get the important safety bit out of the way first. With breath play it is essential to have steps in place in case it goes wrong, as you still want to feel safe, even if you are being suffocated a little.
First of all, you need to make sure that everyone involved in this erotic fun is okay with it. If anyone isn’t sure, then please don’t do it. Putting pressure on someone to do something they aren’t comfortable with isn’t good, and it can really ruin the fun.
A big part of BDSM safety is that those involved will have a safe word to stop the action when they need to, but obviously with breath play you might not be able to get the word out. Instead, choose a clear gesture that you can make to show your partner you need to stop.
A lot of people like taking the sexy breath play to the point of passing out, but if you do your partner really needs to be on the ball. When you pass out it should only be for a few seconds at most, so if it goes on longer than that there is something wrong. If you do take it that far, make sure your partner is trained in CPR so that they can help you out.
Why is breath play such a big turn on?
For many, the idea of breath play is a huge turn on. We want to be shown that we aren’t worthy of the air that we breathe, and that we are the best subs we can be by pleasing our mistresses.
Breath play requires a lot of trust, and some would say it is the ultimate show of trust. You are trusting your partner or your mistress to take you to the very edge and back again, and your life really does hang in the balance.
Of course, the biggest thing is the sheer amount of excitement it gives you. It is totally taboo, and when you have an orgasm with breath play it is so much more intense. Not sure if it makes a difference? Next time you jerk off, try slowly your breathing down when you orgasm. You’ll notice a difference immediately.
Trying out breath play
There are so many different ways that you can experiment with breath play, and if you are a looking for the beginner’s guide to breath play, this is probably the best place to start. You might be a man or woman who really enjoys giving oral sex, and you find that there is no bigger turn on than your partner sitting on your face. Well, Queening or Kinging actually ties in pretty well with smothering, where your oxygen is cut off with your partner sitting on your face. You get to pleasure them to orgasm and feel the breath restricted, which is a huge turn on for many.
Of course, that version of breath play can get a little complicated, especially if you need to breath as you will need to do a symbol to show your partner that you need a break. One of the preferred ways of doing it is to instead simply tell them that they cannot breathe for a little while. Think of a punishment that is appropriate if they disobey you and enjoy as they look to you, asking for permission to take a breath.
Another fun way of doing it is to simply pinch their nose. You will want to over their mouth with something like duct-tape or a gag, as this then gives you the chance to control their breathing by pinching their nose closed with your fingers. You get to physically control their breathing, leaving them feeling breathless and gasping for air when you take the tape off their mouth. This is a favourite of many, as you can easily fix things if it goes wrong by just removing your hand from their nose.
Gas masks, hoods, and bags are also a popular choice of props when it comes to breath play, but before you use them you should familiarise yourself with them. You want to make sure you can take it off quickly if your partner passes out, or in the worst case scenario cut it off. As for bags, try to resist the urge to tie them around your partner’s head. If you do, you might be adding a little too much pressure to their throat, which can do damage, and it is harder to take them off this way. Instead, hold them in place and feel as your sub tries to gasp and get more air.
What is your favourite thing to do with breath play? You can share it with us by leaving a comment in the box below, or tell us some of the best breath play tips you have heard.
Since then she has gained a fine reputation with her blogs on sex advice, sexual health and amusing news stories from around the globe. She is also a campaigner for the rights of sex workers from all over the world.
In her spare time, Lara keeps herself active by going running, and is something of a film buff. She also loves to go travelling.