It really is the blog that is taking the Internet by storm. ‘How to Make Me Come’ has gone viral on Tumblr and has women writing anonymously about their sexual experiences, needs and desires.
It was set up by a 27 year old writer who calls herself ‘Sylvia’ and was started after an unsatisfying experience of her own.
“Suffice to say, it was not the greatest experience either physically or emotionally,” she told The Times.
“I felt like he misunderstood what I was going through sexually and I was unable to talk about it in the moment.”
Communication Breakdown
It seems, when you read through the posts that communication, or a lack of it is the biggest source of frustration for women. It doesn’t matter if it is a one night stand or a life partner; they find it difficult to discuss these things.
This is apparently due to a desire to please, not hurt their partners feelings, and not wanting to feel awkward around someone they have only just met.
However, ‘Sylvia’ has found a way of having this discussion, and it seems everyone is taking notice.
It all came after a conversation with a friend.
“We’d never discussed sex in so much detail and so honestly. At the end I felt very charged up about it and thought that I needed to give this feeling to other women…
“It became obvious very quickly that women are itching to talk about all this.”
Introducing the blog, she writes: “Imagine you could talk to a past or future sexual partner, free of judgment or repercussion. What would you want them to know?”
“The female orgasm can sometimes be challenging to achieve and/or talk about, but it goes beyond that.
“When we talk about female orgasm, something deeper is at play — for one, the societal assessment and conversation of female sexuality; the consequences of which bleed into the areas of our lives far outside the bedroom.
“We wanted to start a dialogue about how women achieve sexual pleasure; something that is often ignored, devalued, or misunderstood.”
Originally just intended as something between friends, it has now reached a much wider audience.
Popular with Guys
Perhaps most interestingly, about half the contributors are male, showing that they really are interested in finding out what makes women tick.
Sylvia told the Times that most of the tips actually contradict each other, showing that every woman is different, so therefore she needs to communicate with her partner if she wants to start having those mindblowing orgasms.
“Whether it’s a one-night stand or a serious long-term relationship, we all have to admit that we can’t read our partners’ minds and they can’t read ours,” she adds.
“We need to speak up.”
Well, do you want to hear a few of these sex stories? Of course you do. Here are a few of the best posts from ‘How to Make Me Come’. It certainly is worth a visit.
Be Patient and Listen
Let me tell you about the first time I really came.
You were patient and kind. You made me comfortable. Relaxed. Willing to be vulnerable. I fell in love with you. And then, all that made me confident. I told you exactly what to do.
The second I did, you listened, you followed instructions, and suddenly, on a Saturday afternoon during magic hour, the sunset filtered through wooden blinds, it felt just like that moment in a movie when the camera zooms into someone’s iris, and you see all the roygbivness (OK, what that means I don’t know, but it is a direct quote) of life in super speed motion, a crash of sounds, smash cuts to dancing, space travel, people f******, ending with an opera singer’s chandelier smashing high note.
Women, Consider Your Needs as Well as Theirs
I have faked A LOT of orgasms. For so long, my self-esteem has been hanging not by a thread, but by a tiny tiny shaving of a fingernail from a nail file. I’ve wanted guys to like me so badly. I’ve needed their validation in place of my own… I’d made sex for the man and not for myself. I would be too ashamed to say, “Hey, this isn’t working for me,” because I would want them to think I was easy going and had had tons of experience. I’d be so concerned with their finishing that I’d ignore my own. I would be too frightened to admit I wasn’t sure I knew what I wanted.
It’s Not All About Intercourse
For me, while actual intercourse is obviously awesome, I think that everything leading up to it is equally, if not more important. Listen closely because this will be incredibly helpful when you are lucky enough to get me into your/my bed.
Do:
Take the lead. I love it when a guy has initiative and makes me feel wanted. Make me feel like you can’t wait to take my clothes off. That’ll make me want to take my clothes off. (See how that works?)
Tease me. Take your time to really turn me on. My lips, ears, neck, inner thighs, lower stomach, etc. all need attention. The longer you go without jumping face first into my crotch, the better it will feel when you finally get down there. And it will make your job a lot easier.
Take your time to learn my body. What worked on your ex, might not work on me. We’re all very different, so unless you’re some sort of vagina wizard/genius, it’ll take a bit for you to learn how to make me come. That’s ok. Let’s just both agree that we’re not going to stress too much about it.
Believe me when I tell you it’s not going to happen tonight. Sometimes I’m just not going to come. It’s usually not your fault, it’s just the reality of the situation.
Don’t:
Ask me if I’m going to come soon. If you do that, I’ll be in my head and start down the scary “you’re not enjoying yourself” spiral. We all know how that ends…
Get annoyed at me or yourself if I don’t come. That doesn’t help, and will not make next time any easier.
Think that just because I didn’t come, it was a waste/I didn’t enjoy it/you’re not a man. Maybe it didn’t happen this time, but there’s always tomorrow morning 😉
Since then, he has specialised in articles on the battle for equal rights for sex workers, sexual health, as well as bringing the readers fun news from around the world. He also has a major interest in LGBT rights, and is an active campaigner in this field.
When he isn't fighting the good fight, he enjoys spending time with his girlfriend, and young daughter. He also enjoys reading and taking long walks.
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