Sometimes, you’ll hear somebody say something and just find yourself pausing to look at them for a moment. Did they really just say that? Did I just misunderstand what they were saying? When the answer is ‘no’ it tends to make you worry.
Given how open I am about my job with friends, it shouldn’t be a surprise that I have some strange conversations. However, one in particular happened this last weekend and inspired me to write this blog. No, the sex acts you enjoy in the bedroom do not define your sexuality.
It’s normal to like anal play
This weekend, I met up with some girl friends for cocktails and a catch up. As typically happens with this particular group, the conversation turned towards sex. One said that her partner was interested in trying pegging but she had absolutely no idea where to start.
We already know that pegging is a hugely popular sex act right now. For a start, the prostate is sensitive. Stimulation of the right kind can lead to an incredible orgasm. When you peg someone, it is also a complete role reversal. Your partner is no longer the one in charge, which is a turn on for many of us. It’s normal to like anal play!
But before anyone could say anything to this friend, however, another person in the group spoke up. She started out by saying “ew”, which should have been a clear indication as to how the conversation was going to go. You can get a basic summary of what they said below:
Her: Why doesn’t he just sleep with a guy if he wants to be fucked up the ass?
As you can likely imagine, this made most of the group go quiet. After a few questions, this person told us that a man liking anal sex means that he is gay, because “butt stuff” is what gay people do. What makes her point of view so frustrating is that this is a commonly held belief by a lot of the general public.
The sex acts we enjoy
There seems to be some confusion between the sex acts we enjoy and our sexual preferences, though particularly when it comes to men and anal play of any kind. Anal play can be a lot of fun, but people associate the ass with being gay. Being gay doesn’t mean you have to like anal, and liking anal doesn’t meant that you’re gay.
No, liking anal play isn’t going to make you gay. The sexual interests you have in the bedroom are different to who you find attractive. Mixing the two up is asking for trouble. If you are male and like only men, that would make you gay. If, however, you like your girlfriend stimulating your prostate with a strap-on, you aren’t gay.
To put it simply: it’s your sexual attraction that defines your sexuality, not what you are into. If it was based purely on the kinky acts you enjoy, then my sexuality would be all over the place. I already know that I’m pansexual, but going by this rule, it would change each and every single day, based on who I am with and what I’m doing.
The science behind anal play
The problem is that far too many people have bought into the taboo surrounding anal play. They either see it as “gay” or they see it as “dirty”. The chances of getting shamed for wanting to try it are high. Thankfully, people are starting to learn. They can see that it isn’t a threat to their sexuality, because the ass is incredibly sensitive, as the video below explains.
The ass is full of nerve endings, which means that stimulation can be incredibly arousing. It can leave you feeling amazing, so why wouldn’t you at least try it? The taboo is enough to make most people stop, but for those eager to explore, they enter into a world of pleasure they never knew existed.
Exploring anal play
If you have decided that you are interested in anal play, good for you! It is something I love doing with my male fuck buddies, and it is such a unique experience to share with them. But before you dive in, it can help to learn the basics. To begin with, don’t dive right in. If you have never tried any anal play before then you will need to work up to it. Take your time and go slowly. There is no rush, and easing into it is going to be so much better for you and your partner.
As another piece of advice for you, be careful about the lube you choose. It might be tempting to go for a numbing lube to reduce the pain, but this can actually make things worse. If things go wrong, you won’t know. It is better to feel everything and ask your partner to stop instead of going ahead and causing damage. Pjur is good, but my personal favourite is Jo Organic. Not only does it last a long time, but it is great for those with sensitive skin.
Liking anal play isn’t going to change your sexuality, so if you are curious about it, don’t worry. It just means that you enjoy the fantasy of anal or that you want some intense stimulation. Got some other taboos about sex that you want busting? Leave a comment below and let us know.
Since then she has gained a fine reputation with her blogs on sex advice, sexual health and amusing news stories from around the globe. She is also a campaigner for the rights of sex workers from all over the world.
In her spare time, Lara keeps herself active by going running, and is something of a film buff. She also loves to go travelling.