Man Annoyed About People Having ‘Drunken Sex With His Hedge’

A topiarist says he is having to make regular repairs to his hedge as people are continually pretending to have sex with it.

hedge woman

Keith Tyssen has maintained the “privet lady” at his Sheffield home since 2000, but is suffering at night by often drunken passers-by jumping on his hedge and making sex moves.

“They’re climbing on top of her and pulling her legs apart – you know, it’s disgusting,” he said.

Warnings

To curb this, he is thinking about putting a warning sign or even an alarm on there to ward off anyone thinking of damaging his property.

The hedge, which he has worked on for 40 years, started off as a Greek god but changed into a reclining woman around the year 2000.

“I just peered out at about 04:30 in the morning and there was a guy on top of her and going through the motions of having sex with her,” he said.

“It makes me feel a bit sick, really. That’s just not the way to behave – in lots of ways.”

He added: “It’s not always a guy actually, sometimes it’s women who climb on her.”

Mr Tyssen added: “I don’t want them to behave like that with my privet lady.

“She’s too privet, or private you know?”

Partially To Blame

I have to say, as a homeowner myself, I do have sympathy for anyone who has their property damaged by piss heads. When they have gone home to suffer their hangover, the property owner is having to spend time and money fixing up the damage.

However, I am not saying he is asking for it, but he is as near to asking for it as you can get. If you are going to make your hedge a woman, in what could be argued is a sexual position, you really shouldn’t start acting too shocked when idiots jump on there to get a picture or a video.

It does make me wonder why this has only become an issue now. Maybe now we are in a time where a viral video is what everyone wants. Therefore you have more people wanting to mess around, thinking they are the first person to engage in such ‘hilarity’.

News flash folks, you aren’t! So stop it!

Martin Ward
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Martin Ward

Martin Ward is a well respected editor and writer with over five years experience in the adult industry. After stints in the Escort Advertising call centre and on the escort forum, he moved into the site editor position around three years ago.

Since then, he has specialised in articles on the battle for equal rights for sex workers, sexual health, as well as bringing the readers fun news from around the world. He also has a major interest in LGBT rights, and is an active campaigner in this field.

When he isn't fighting the good fight, he enjoys spending time with his girlfriend, and young daughter. He also enjoys reading and taking long walks.
Martin Ward
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