The honeymoon period can often feel like the best part of a relationship. For the first six months to a year you are having the best sex of your life. You are always at it, finding reasons to jump into bed together… and then the honeymoon period ends.
Sometimes the end of the honeymoon period simply means that we won’t have as much sex. For some it can be a lot more serious. A dead bedroom is pretty common, but is there a way to fix it?
What is a dead bedroom?
As the name might suggest, a dead bedroom is when your sex life dies. All activity between the sheets stops, and there can be a number of different reasons for this happening. For a lot of people it is simply that their lives have become too busy, but for others it can be a sign of something else.
If you and your partner have mismatched libidos, this can make things difficult for your relationship. One might want a lot of sex while the other does not. On their own, they might be content, but together? It is a difficult clash to deal with.
It is usually made worse by the fact that we don’t talk about it. We like to pretend that we don’t have issues in our relationship, and so we stay quiet. We might even adopt the “things will change” mentality, where we are convinced that some external force might bring a spark back to our relationship.
How does it feel?
Relationship problems are often difficult to resolve, especially if you and your partner do not sit down to talk about it. It can leave both partners feeling pretty terrible, but how does it actually feel to be involved in a dead bedroom situation?
For the person with the higher libido, it can really kill your confidence and self worth. Being constantly knocked back takes its toll on you. You want sex, but your partner refuses you each time. It can leave you feeling like shit, and eventually you might find that you stop asking for sex at all.
It can also be tough on the person with the lower libido. They might feel guilty for turning their partner down, even though they want to give them what they need. They start to dread special occasions such as birthdays, Valentine’s Day, and Christmas, because these tend to be the times when the one with a higher sex drive expects to get lucky. It is a real strain on both of you.
The most important part
There are so many tricks and techniques you can use to try and improve the situation in the bedroom, such as setting a schedule and arranging date nights in order to make more time for sex… if it is the result of a busy schedule.
However, if it is because of mismatched libidos, then you will need to sit down and talk about it. 90% of problems in relationships and in the bedroom can be solved by simply talking about it with your partner.
The important thing is to be honest with your partner. If they simply don’t feel like having sex then that is fine… but make sure when you talk you don’t put pressure on them. This can often make things worse. You are better to sit and have an open and honest discussion with your partner instead, without pressure.
Can you fix dead bedrooms?
Dead bedrooms are a surprisingly common problem for many people. Take a look at Reddit, for example. There is an entire subReddit dedicated to this issue, so you can talk to others in a similar situation there.
You can also use the comment box below. Have you got some great advice for dealing with a dead bedroom? Is it even possible to do so? Sometimes it isn’t, but there are things you can do to make things easier.
Share your top tips and advice with others. How do you start a conversation with your partner about your lack of sex life?
Since then she has gained a fine reputation with her blogs on sex advice, sexual health and amusing news stories from around the globe. She is also a campaigner for the rights of sex workers from all over the world.
In her spare time, Lara keeps herself active by going running, and is something of a film buff. She also loves to go travelling.