When you are on our site, most things are about sex. How to do it, how not to do it, how to do it differently. Still, the question arises, and it did in our office this week, can a relationship survive without sex, or at least with not much between the sheets action?
This is a subject where I can give first hand experience. It is safe to say that the amount of sex I am having has gone down since we had our daughter two years back. The Mrs is still feeding her, and that means that by the end of the night, she is what we could say ‘contacted out’. That, and the tiredness means we aren’t having sex anywhere near as much.
Now this isn’t a complaint. She is doing a great job as a Mum, but it does give me insight into this very interesting question.
The Importance of Sex
It is obvious that sex is important for couples. It is what separates people in that kind of relationship to any other. You love your mother, but you don’t screw her do you? Well I bloody hope you don’t!
On professorhouse.com, Stef Daniel puts the importance of sex in almost poetic terms.
“Couples that are dating often overlook the importance of sex in their relationship. Sexual compatibility seems to be circumvented by proclamations of love and adoration. The reality remains that while love may get you through the happy times, sex can get you through the trials and tribulations.”
However, there are still many good things about being in a relationship even if the sex has waned. It is a case of making sure that you have enough in common that you have more than just sex. Can you have a conversation or does the other person bore you? If the answer is the latter, you may have to consider that your other half is just a person whose body you jerk off with.
The key to getting through the times when you are in a dry spell is to make sure there are things you do as a couple, which are exclusive between you two, yet don’t involve getting between the sheets. In our house at the moment we watch Twin Peaks on Monday with a bottle of red wine, and on Thursday night we watch NFL show ‘Hard Knocks’. That may not be to everybody’s taste but there is always something you can do. Take a walk, go for a meal, or have a bottle of red. We like to go out at least once a month, maybe to the cinema, or for a meal.
Survive But Not Thrive
This is my personal experience, but can a relationship survive without sex? A lot will depends on the sex drive of either party. If one is something of a nymphomaniac, then there will of course be a problem. Affairs will happen, and if you get busted, then you will have a struggle keeping your relationship going, obviously.
However, it basically goes down to whether you have any more to your relationship than sex. If you do, in most circumstances, it can survive. You have company on tap, and in the best scenarios, you have a soul mate. The question is, can it thrive? The answer to this one is likely a no.
Now there are different reasons people go off sex. They range from disability of one party, to tiredness from one or more. However, there is likely to be at least one party (unless you are in a really weird relationship where sex isn’t an issue) who wishes they had more sex. Yes they will be happy to do things with their partner non sexual, but lets face it, we are programmed to want sex so frustration will seep in.
The best thing to do if you you feel the sex has gone out of your relationship is to discuss what is going wrong. Maybe there is an underlying cause which can be managed, like depression? It is always best to get to the bottom of it. The conversation doesn’t have to sound accusatory, but you can get an idea of what you need to work on, and how long term the problem will be. I think mine will be as long as she still feeds the baby, as long as I don’t whine too much!
Sex may not be everything, but it most certainly is something. We wish you all luck in your relationships no matter how much sex you are having.
Since then, he has specialised in articles on the battle for equal rights for sex workers, sexual health, as well as bringing the readers fun news from around the world. He also has a major interest in LGBT rights, and is an active campaigner in this field.
When he isn't fighting the good fight, he enjoys spending time with his girlfriend, and young daughter. He also enjoys reading and taking long walks.
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