I don’t know about you, but I’d love it if sex was more like it seems in porn. In porn, everyone comes and has a great time doing it. The men last longer and the women have the time of their lives, given all the screaming they do. In real life, things aren’t so smooth. In fact, you’ll probably have encountered plenty of bad sex in your lifetime.
No-one goes out intending to be bad at sex. Unfortunately, it is just something that happens. It might be that they haven’t got a lot of experience, or that they aren’t properly listening to their partner’s needs. It could even be poor advice from the internet, making them think that there is this ‘one amazing trick’ which can get all women to orgasm.
This isn’t the case, but is it actually possible to fix bad sex? Some people feel that people are naturally terrible in bed, so what can you do to fix it if you feel you are bad at sex?
What does ‘bad sex’ mean?
If you were to Google the question above, you’d get around 2,720,000 results. Looking at these results will tell you that bad sex means different things to different people. For some it is simply that they don’t enjoy themselves during the act, but often this doesn’t mean that the sex is bad… it just means that the two haven’t talked through their interests.
The majority of sites seem to agree that things like a lack of understanding and being selfish in bed can turn sex bad. Knowing what you want is fine, but being selfish and not even thinking about how your partner is feeling can be a huge turn off.
As for a lack of understanding, it might simply be that you don’t understand that great sex requires communication. Maybe you haven’t as much experience in the bedroom as you’d like in order to make someone feel amazing? Either way, these things can be fixed… right?
Sexual pet peeves
There are some things in bed that we might experience and decide that these are the acts that make sex awful for us. For example, I am a huge fan of foreplay, but not everyone enjoys it. If your idea of foreplay is to kiss me for five seconds and then strip off for sex, then it just isn’t going to work.
Finding out your partner’s sexual pet peeves before you jump into bed can really help you a lot. You’ll know what to avoid immediately, and so you can work at making them happy. You can be prepared for the things they don’t like and work around them so that they still feel great.
The problem is that, while looking up the most common sexual pet peeves online can help, they don’t fit everyone. What one person hates another might love. Some women hate having hands in their hair during a blowjob, but for me it is a huge turn on. So don’t just create a checklist from the internet, as these might not apply to your partner.
Communication
Something that I have noticed about the vast majority of sexual pet peeves which many believe make sex bad is that they can easily be solved with one thing: communication. Yes, I’m a bit old fashioned that way. I think you should talk to your partner about sex instead of just trying to read their mind.
Your partner is the one who will know what they love in the bedroom, as well as what makes sex bad for them. If you want to avoid bad sex, try talking to them, and don’t take things personally. Instead, use the feedback to improve.
If they say that you don’t spend enough time on foreplay, take your time when you next jump into bed. Really slow things down and make a conscious effort to touch their body all over before you move things along. Should they say that they don’t like how often you change positions during sex, explain why. It might be that you don’t want to come too quickly, and often just hearing that can be a turn on for your partner. After all, their body is making you feel so good that you want to blow your load. By talking it out you’ll be able to figure things out. At least, most of the time.
Can you fix bad sex?
While a huge number of bad sex issues can be solved by talking it out with your partner, there are others that require a little more effort and attention. For example, if your partner struggles to come to terms with your premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction, it might be time to seek the advice of a medical professional.
Other problems, such as sexual pet peeves, can be resolved by talking to your partner. Having an open and honest conversation about sex really is going to make all the difference. You’ll know where you both stand, and best of all you’ll be tempted to get a little bit of practice in. You should find that you get better at it in no time at all!
Have you ever felt as though you were bad at sex? What did you do to try and fix it, and have you got some great tips to share? Let us know in the comment box below!
Since then she has gained a fine reputation with her blogs on sex advice, sexual health and amusing news stories from around the globe. She is also a campaigner for the rights of sex workers from all over the world.
In her spare time, Lara keeps herself active by going running, and is something of a film buff. She also loves to go travelling.
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