Sex feels fantastic. It leaves us feeling amazing and is a lot of fun… most of the time. However, sometimes sex can go wrong. Whether it is a position that simply not working for you, or you cross a line, things don’t always go according to plan in the bedroom. And this is fine… as long as things don’t get too serious.
Mistakes happen, and the sooner we can accept this, the better off we’ll be. But we take sex too seriously. Instead of being fine with mistakes we act as though it is the end of our sex lives as we know it. So how do you know if you taking things in the bedroom too seriously, and how can you stop it?
Sex should be fun
Sex is about enjoyment, pleasure, and fun. Yes, if you are enjoying role play, things can get a little serious. For example, if one of you is supposed to be a stern boss and the other a secretary who keeps getting things wrong.
But even then it is okay to break character. It is okay to make mistakes. When you make things too serious in the bedroom, it can put a lot of pressure on to you and your partner.
You’ll feel as though you can’t make mistakes, as though everything has to be perfect. And this can be a problem. Sex will become tense and uncomfortable instead of being fun.
Expecting it to be like porn
The problem is that we look at porn and we expect sex to go like that. Most of the time we know that the sex we see in porn is not the sex we get in real life. However, while we don’t expect everyone to have a 10 inch cock or size 36DD boobs, we might think that sex is supposed to be this serious.
It’s all moaning and groaning, with no time taken to actually talk about what is happening. Everyone is using a script that we do not see to get the job done, but because we don’t see the behind the scenes things, we start to feel like we are getting sex wrong if we have to talk.
Although we try not to, porn gives us unrealistic expectations of sex. One of my favourite porn stars was Stoya. If you don’t know her name from watching porn, you’ll probably remember her from the hysterical literature series. She never seemed to take sex too seriously in her videos. She was willing to have a laugh and just enjoy it. This might be why she was such a popular porn star when she was making movies.
The world of kink
One of the biggest areas of sex that seems to suffer from “too serious” syndrome is the world of kink. Thanks to things like Fifty Shades, people expect kink to constantly be serious. No laughing, no joking, just straight up whips and chains.
And that just isn’t how it works. As Bex Talks Sex recently pointed out, it isn’t going to be like that. There will be a lot of discussion, and a lot of giggling and fun as you work things out. Taking it too seriously is going to make it difficult for you to just enjoy it.
This week I'm on @SexGetsReal talking about fisting, watersports, power exchange, gender, and more! I had a blast! https://t.co/w71fz7CVJ1 pic.twitter.com/5Z0SWTIPvU
— Bex Caputo (@BexTalksSex) 26 September 2017
Do you take sex too seriously?
In the past I have been too serious about sex. I have been worried about getting things wrong and being laughed at, of making mistakes and showing my inexperience in a certain area. Now I know better. Now I know that mistakes are a normal part of sex and are totally acceptable.
There are plenty of places online where you can watch porn bloopers. These bloopers give you the chance to see behind the scenes of porn, and see that isn’t always so serious. You are allowed to laugh during sex. Sometimes it can bring you and your partner closer.
Do you feel as though you are guilty of making sex too serious? What do you do to try and stop it? Tell us your techniques by leaving a comment in the box below. In threesomes, I am the person who will say “I have an idea!” to try and kick things off and get things started. It really helped to break the ice and the tension when everyone was a little unsure of taking that first step. What methods do you use?
Since then she has gained a fine reputation with her blogs on sex advice, sexual health and amusing news stories from around the globe. She is also a campaigner for the rights of sex workers from all over the world.
In her spare time, Lara keeps herself active by going running, and is something of a film buff. She also loves to go travelling.
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