Ways to Leave your Lover

Do you remember the Paul Simon song “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover”? Slipping out of the back and hopping on a bus are both suggestions made in this song. However tempting they may be, opting for a more mature approach is usually recommended.

When it comes to ending a relationship, a fling or even an affair, we can be pretty clueless. Movies and TV shows often over play the heartache of breakups – yet it rarely justifies how it can be beneficial. Once a relationship has lost its spark and the intimacy begins to fade, it is time to move on. There is no denying that breakups are a difficult time for both parties, but being trapped in an unhappy relationship is just as difficult and cruel.

When deciding the best way to leave your lover, you need to decide on whether or not you plan to keep in touch. For those who are looking to end a long-term relationship, despite the sexual aspect ending – you may still want to remain friends. Of course, it’s not only your decision as your partner may decide to cut off contact completely. Regarding the end of a no strings attached relationship, or an affair; relationship expert Tracy Cox believes it is best that you cut all contact with your lover. The relationship was based on sex only – once this is over, what is left to continue? It will only cause complications and mixed signals and could leave bad blood between you both. Whichever you decide, remember this will impact your actions.


When Ending the Relationship

Whatever the relationship, and whatever the real season – do not put the blame on your partner, the sex or the lack of momentum. Also, however tempting it may be, do not attempt to leave your partner after sex. This would knock even the strongest of confidence and could turn the potential conversation in to a full-blown argument. Instead, why not talk about how you need to move on (it won’t sound as cheesy as it does in Movies) or that you just don’t feel that the relationship is working anymore? For all you know, your partner may have had similar feelings and is glad you have broached the subject. Remember that you are the one who’s leaving and that you need to take your lovers feelings in to account.

Depending on the type of relationship, you then need to decide how it ends. The first way is to end it abruptly – with a fling this means no more contact. For a long-term partner, this means that they (or you) pack and leave as quickly as possible. If you have decided that you wish to stay in touch afterwards, you may decide to have a few more dates before calling it a day. Approach this with caution, as you do not want to send mixed signals and false hope that you may be changing your mind. If you decide to go on dates, keep it casual. Keep the emotions casual and make sure you both understand that these dates are a long goodbye and nothing more.

When you’ve Ended It

When all is said and done, remain polite. You’ve had fun and now that it is over, it’s time to get on with your lives. This is not the time to get bitter and criticise your partner or aspects of your relationship/sex life. Even if you decide that you no longer want to see your lover after your relationship ends, there is no need to argue. Ending on the best possible note will reduce the stress and heartache for both of you. So be patient and stay calm – what is the point of getting angry and potentially saying something you will later regret?

For those having an affair or a fling, remember that the whole point of your arrangement was to have sex without any of the extra baggage that comes with a long-term relationship. As mentioned before, don’t blame the sex and remain complementary. The excitement may have faded for you, but you had enjoyed it at some point and that is worth remembering. There will be instances where your lover may not take the news well and will attempt to draw you into a fight. Do not get caught up in the bitterness. Take a step back and try to remain the adult. You’ve had time to process the end of your relationship and think it through, but this could be a complete surprise for your other half. If you can (and it’s not always possible), try to avoid leaving on a sour note.

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Finally, keep in mind that whatever type of relationship you had, you and your partner had a great time. Remind your lover of the fun and thank them for it. Displaying gratitude will make you feel better and could end things on a high.

No break-up is easy, but if you go in prepared and ready to step back when emotions get high, you will save yourself a lot of heartache and will (hopefully) reduce the likelihood of an overly-dramatic breakup. Just because you are ending it, doesn’t mean that you are fine either. It’s ok to feel vulnerable and anxious before, during and after a break up. If you are looking for some company; whether it is to move on, or just someone to talk to – there are plenty of enchanting escorts in Aberdeen who enjoy nothing more than chatting and having a good time.

Martin Ward
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