Are Male Escorts Who Have Sex With Men Gay?

Ever since I joined the Escort Advertising nearly five years ago, I have been continually learning. I now understand so much more about the sex industry, and many pre-conceptions have been thrown right out of the window. However, there are still certain questions which even I still struggle with. One of those occasions occurred this week when I had a conversation about whether a male escort who had sex with men was actually gay? It Is fair to say this is a complicated one.

gay couple about to kiss

Now I have to admit, my natural instinct would be to say yes, or at least they must be bi. In my simplistic mindset, if you give a man oral sex, can stay hard when a guy is giving you oral sex, or don’t run out of the room when a man sticks his penis in your bum, then you must have a natural liking for it. I know I was being tested for appendicitis, the doc shiver a finger up my ass and I screamed the doctor’s surgery down. You can keep out of that hole my friends!

Now I don’t think homosexuality is disgusting or anything, as anyone who reads my articles will know. It is just that having sex with men has never been something that has interested me, in-fact I find the idea of ME doing it nauseating. That is fine, I am wired to look for girls. I realise others are different and it is all part of the rich tapestry of life.

However, I have never worked as an escort. Still, as part of my job, I have had numerous conversations with escorts, and it is fair to say, things are not as clear cut as I would believe. In fact, a number of those in the industry don’t consider themselves gay/bi at all.

‘It is just a job’

Many male escorts I have spoke to consider it a job. They are performing an act on someone, but it really isn’t sex. Sex is more of an emotional thing, so they are happy to be with men in the day, and see their girlfriend or wives at night. This is a mentality issue, and it is not one I have ever thought about. Still, it is what many think.

That does open up the idea that it is still a physical act and you may well in certain situations need to be turned on for it to work. It is hard for someone to do a job as a footballer without a ball, or a racing driver to do it without a car.

One particular male escort discussed the issue on Reddit back in 2015 and had this to say on the subject.

“So you suck dicks but you’re straight?”

“I do consider myself straight and yes I do oral on men. It’s definitely not my favorite thing to do by any means but oddly enough I feel much more comfortable performing oral on a guy then having a guy perform oral on me. That always makes me feel super uncomfortable.”

Still, he had a number of rules which he later discussed upon further questioning.

“Are there any rules you have other than no penetrative sex with men?”

Yea I have countless rules. No coming in my mouth, face, chest, no spitting, don’t finger me are some of the major ones.

So according to this guy, there are certain things he can do, and certain things that are really off limits as they make him feel uncomfortable.

Is Sexualilty a Choice?

There are many people, escorts amongst them, who think that sexuality is a social construct. That we are taught that men have sex with women, and left alone without that, we would just have sex with whoever. The ‘nature v culture’ debate is a huge one in the LGBTQ community, and causes massive contention. Try this quote from a Julie Bindel article (though I am loathed to give her any credit due to her ignorant views on sex work)

“Last year, the journalist Patrick Strudwick argued in the Independent that the actor Cynthia Nixon played straight into the hands of the homophobes when she told the New York Times that she chose to be gay, stating: “You do not choose to be straight or gay; it chooses you.”  Perhaps Strudwick holds this view because he is well aware, through his excellent undercover investigation on so-called “gay cures”, that some people believe that being gay is a “lifestyle choice” and can be easily reversed.” 

To be fair, as a straight male, I am not going to start venturing into that one. The last thing I want is for anyone from that community starting a hate campaign against me. I will leave it up to them as to what motivates sexuality.

Still, if you go with the ‘choice’ idea, then there really is no gay, no straight, just sex. Male escorts who have sex with other men may just be acting in the more natural way.

No Common Position

What we see here is that there is no common position, many male escorts seriously don’t think they are gay if they perform sexual acts with other men. However their motivations for that vary. Then again, some male escorts will acknowledge that it makes them gay or bisexual, and they don’t care.

What I am not going to do is call the ones who say they aren’t gay liars. It is a personal opinion, and one that you can only understand it if you are actually in their head. To argue otherwise would be the height of arrogance.

So what do you think. Are male escorts who have sex with men gay? Let us know by voting in the poll below.

Martin Ward
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Martin Ward

Martin Ward is a well respected editor and writer with over five years experience in the adult industry. After stints in the Escort Advertising call centre and on the escort forum, he moved into the site editor position around three years ago.

Since then, he has specialised in articles on the battle for equal rights for sex workers, sexual health, as well as bringing the readers fun news from around the world. He also has a major interest in LGBT rights, and is an active campaigner in this field.

When he isn't fighting the good fight, he enjoys spending time with his girlfriend, and young daughter. He also enjoys reading and taking long walks.
Martin Ward
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