{"id":5847,"date":"2020-01-15T21:00:00","date_gmt":"2020-01-15T21:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.escort-scotland.com\/blog\/?p=5847"},"modified":"2020-01-15T12:02:29","modified_gmt":"2020-01-15T12:02:29","slug":"gay-sexuality","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.escort-scotland.com\/blog\/gay-sexuality\/","title":{"rendered":"Discovering My Gay Sexuality"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

It always starts small. Saying you like red wine when you actually like white, telling new friends that you love their favourite band, when you\u2019ve really never heard of them. Or my favourite one: talking about crushing it at the gym when you spent the entire night in playing video games. We do it to fit in, to feel a part of something.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

It comes from a deep-seeded desire to belong. I\u2019m sure you can understand that. But then, something else happens; something bad. Lies inevitably get bigger, and stories get more whimsical. That\u2019s what I found out the hard way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pretending I was\nyour everyday straight guy- seems like the plot to a new-age chick-flick, but\nit\u2019s not that rosy. It turned into something much more sinister that you see\nplaying out on any movie screen, and something that was ultimately much, much\nmore harmful. Every single waking moment of my life, I was lying to my friends,\nmy family, and most importantly, myself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The thing with\nbigger lies is that they often come about because of much larger pressures.\nDespite the leaps and bounds the LGBTQIA+ community has come in recent years to\nreaching true equality, there is still a long way to go. That\u2019s something that\neven the most optimistic of activists can\u2019t even deny. Some families still shun\nthose who come out to them, whether it be due to entrenched religious\nsuperstition or a major inability to adapt to change. Some groups even go as\nfar as to hurt people of the gay persuasion, but not if they don\u2019t know, right?\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And that\u2019s where\nthe lie begins. It starts small, blooming into an unmanageable web of lies that\nwill always, always unravel. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m going to tell you now that this isn\u2019t a lesson in how to be yourself, or of how to embrace all your quirks and overcome adversity. It\u2019s not a gospel to take word from, and it\u2019s not always a bright one. What it is, though, is a story about how accepting my true sexuality<\/a> set me free on a life full of intimacy, pleasure, and connection. It\u2019s a story that is wholly and incredibly mine, but which can also be yours if you let it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My false marriage<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

My story starts not at birth, like\nmany others. It starts at the dawn of a new chapter in my life. It starts just\nbefore I was about to get married. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

My fianc\u00e9- the woman I\u2019d been with for\nthe best part of my young adult life- was one of the most wonderful people I\nhad ever met. She was, as most husbands would also claim, someone who was the\nepitome of beauty. With rolling waves of hair and bright, glowing eyes, she\ncould charm pretty much everyone who came her way. Including me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The difference here, though, is that unlike<\/em>\nmost husbands, she wasn\u2019t someone I wanted to jump on every night. She wasn\u2019t\nsomeone who, when I passed her showering in the steam of our tiny bathroom, I\nfelt the need to sweep back the curtain to and climb in with. I did love her,\nprobably more than anyone in my life. Just not in the way you think. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The weird part is that to begin with,\nI did want to do all those things to her. Sexually, romantically, and\neverything in-between. I wanted to give her the world, but there was always\nsomething that felt wrong. I spent years tearing myself up and trying to figure\nout what it was, years in intense confusion over what was wrong with me. After\nall, my wife was a goddess. Our friends always spoke of how much of a dream\ncouple we were. And our parents- they were a totally different story\naltogether.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We grew up in the type of families\nwhere reputation mattered more than anything. Where people talked about people,\nwhere we spent years fighting to stay at the top of whatever our warped,\nsmall-town social hierarchy was. Which is why, when my wife and eventually\ncalled our teenage fling a proper romance, our families were all-too keen for\nus to live the idyllic, traditional married life they wanted for us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The key word there being they.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Straight marriage was a dream for\neveryone around us, so why shouldn\u2019t it be ours? If you haven\u2019t already\nguessed, it wasn\u2019t. It\u2019s true: we spent many happy years together, entwined in\neach other\u2019s company. But as I said, there was something missing. And as we\nstarted becoming more sexually adventurous to keep the spark alive, that\u2019s when\nI realised. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It wasn\u2019t her feathery touches or\nrole-play sessions that began to make me feel alive. It wasn\u2019t having sex in\nthe dining room or the kitchen floor. It was the moment my wife decided to\nbring a dildo into the bedroom. Not for her, but for me. At first, I was\nsceptical. I\u2019d never explored ideas like that in my wildest fantasies, but she\npersuaded me to try it. Our sex life was already dead in the water, so what was\nthere to lose?  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Discovering my true gay sexuality<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

As it turned out, there was nothing to\nlose. Nothing at all, but there was a whole lot to gain. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ll never forget that moment. She\u2019d\npushed me tentatively onto all fours, told me that it might hurt, but only a\nlittle. Then, she\u2019d smothered me in what I imagine was half a tube of lube-\njust to be safe. And then, she began to ease the dildo in. What followed I can\nonly describe as being a feeling of utter bliss. She was right, it did hurt a\nlittle, but only the smallest amount. Each inch she pushed in only felt better,\nand I could feel myself building to a climax that I hadn\u2019t had- hadn\u2019t allowed\nmyself to have- in my entire existence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Afterwards, we both knew what had\nhappened. My elation had brightened my life, but it had given a somber feeling\nto the room. We sat there, not saying anything, only breathing. And we knew\nthat this was confirmation that something was deeply, deeply wrong. That was\nthe first time I had climaxed in months, and it wasn\u2019t exactly due to the feel\nof her skin, of me inside her. What was happening to me? Why was this something\nthat made my heart race and my insides contract? It probably confused her as\nmuch as it confused me, and I had to find out why.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That same night, eager to repeat that\nexperience over and over again, I knew exactly what I had to do. My wife had\ngone to stay at her sister\u2019s for the night, so I rooted around in her drawer\nuntil I found what I was looking for: the dildo. We still had plenty of lube\nleft over from before, so I spent hours trying out new ways to use it. Each\nhour was better than the last. Whether I was sliding it in and out or teasing\nthe small, puckered opening of my anus, each moment was a revelation. Again,\nthough, I was wondering what this meant. It was only when I stumbled across\nsome gay porn and it intensified the experience that I had to confront a very\nreal possibility, one where I was gay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fantasies, as many sexperts will tell\nyou, aren\u2019t always the same as real life, however. I was torn. A part of me was\nstill steeped in shame from my younger years, but another was finally beginning\nto feel happy, to feel whole. Despite my wife being in the next town over, I\ndidn\u2019t feel empty. I felt complete. It was that undeniable feeling that took me\nout into the night, searching the local bars until I found what- or who- I was\nlooking for. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It helped that there were a few local\nescorts in the area, and they were easy to spot. We met in a small joint. Less\nflashy than most, but still a place of comfort, a place of acceptance. I found\nhim sat in the corner, alone. It wasn\u2019t long before he asked me if I was ready,\nand, in a moment that was terrifying and exhilarating all at once, I said one\nsmall word which would seal my fate forever. But it wasn\u2019t just this man, this\nmoment I was saying yes to. It was my life. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes, the sex was everything and more.\nIt was steamy, it was intimate, and it was unlike anything else to have his\nfingers trail down my body, his lips wet and warm all over me. I left before\nthe sun came up, but it was as if I\u2019d emerged a new man. By the time my wife\ngot home, I\u2019d packed a bag, admitted that I had a new life ahead of me now. One\nwhere we couldn\u2019t be married anymore. I thought she would cry, but she only\nnodded, said she thought something wasn\u2019t right.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was a sad moment, and I can only\nexpress regret that I hadn\u2019t admitted it to myself sooner. That lie, my lie,\nhurt my wife more than anyone. But while that was sad, I was also irrevocably\ngrateful to her for giving me this gift. If she hadn\u2019t guided me down and slid\nthat dildo in, who knows how long I\u2019d have spent wrapped up in my own\nrepression. Who knows how long I\u2019d have been hidden away from myself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It doesn\u2019t matter how long it takes to get there, but if you think you might be gay<\/a>, don\u2019t let the comments of other people keep you from living your best life. We need to understand how important we are, even if it does mean getting homophobic abuse sometimes. Just make sure that anything you do try is both safe and consensual, so that you\u2019re off to the best part. Even now, my family don\u2019t understand, but I\u2019ve learned to surround myself with people who do. People who champion you to be yourself, people who will never let you pretend. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It always starts small. Saying you like red wine when you actually like white, telling new friends that you love their favourite band, when you\u2019ve really never heard of them. Or my favourite one: talking about crushing it at the gym when you spent the entire night in playing video games. We do it to … Continue reading Discovering My Gay Sexuality<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":5851,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"iawp_total_views":39,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[439,158,1736,1247],"class_list":["post-5847","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-erotic-stories","tag-erotic-stories-2","tag-gay","tag-gay-sexuality","tag-sexuality"],"yoast_head":"\nDiscovering My Gay Sexuality - Escort-Scotland Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Are you already discover your gay sexuality? 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