Deity of Goddess Lakshmi<\/figcaption><\/figure>\nDear Naughty-but-nice-is-my-sugar-and-spice,<\/p>\n
Thank you for sharing your present sexual dilemma. Speaking with candid honesty arises from a place of love and light even as you walk the fine line of being turned on by something that turns your present lover off. Your taste of kink speaks to the duality of light and dark. To truly know one, we must experience the other however when pleasure comes from pain, now we\u2019re entering the gray dimension of Sadism and Masochism. <\/p>\n
The psychology of Masochism arises from an innate desire to contradict your identity. It\u2019s been noted that Masochists are mostly creative and highly educated professionals in powerful, successful jobs that yearn to practice masochism so as to escape the role of \u2018protector\u2019 that they have built for themselves. For the person who has it all together, it\u2019s quite freeing to shed your normal self and let your duality take control. <\/p>\n
However it seems like your partner may be satisfied with vanilla sex. That doesn\u2019t mean you can\u2019t ease her into some light S & M and see what she enjoys from there. Yet communicating to her with earnest love and light that you completely respect her and her boundaries is the place to start. S&M is about releasing control and there has to be a huge amount of trust and respect for some to be willing to do that. Tell her that your interest in S&M is a way to explore new roles and visit different places with her.<\/p>\n
Up to a third of all women have fantasies of being dominated sexually although few act them out<\/h2>\n
The best way to bring up S&M with your lover is to test your fantasy by incorporating it into dirty talk. Whispering, \u2018What if I took your scarf and tied your hands together then spanked you with a ping pong paddle?\u2019 At this point, gage her response. If she\u2019s smiling, laughing or curious she\u2019ll pong your ping. If she gets defensive or closes off entirely, she may not be open enough to sexually boom with you to the S&M dimension. In that case, escorts are sacred because they aren\u2019t shy with turning on the light while the two of you indulge in darkness.<\/p>\n
Perhaps your partner drew a negative experience from Fifty Shades of Gray. Most likely because it didn\u2019t have a happy ending so why not watch 9 and \u00bd weeks or Secretary together? Have a S&M movie screening one evening! Be present while watching these movies with her. Ask what turns her off; it will be a great clue to an area you don\u2019t want to rush into. Likewise, find out what turns her on; it may lead you to your next purchase!<\/p>\n
There are several themes that turn S&M enthusiasts on while simultaneously turning others off. Loss of control, humiliation and pain are all things that the identity struggles with since conception.<\/strong> It\u2019s no surprise that bringing these into a sexually intimate place confronts the ego and its boundaries. But there are ways to ease into each one of these avenues comfortably.<\/p>\nGoogle S&M clubs and parties: Enroll in a class with your lover on safe ways to explore kinks!<\/h2>\n
Let\u2019s be optimistic and say that your lover is opening up to the dark side. Imagine if she couldn\u2019t swim. You would walk her into the water, you wouldn\u2019t drop kick her into the deep end! So let\u2019s explore some light ways to explore the dark side.<\/p>\n
It sounds like you\u2019re interested in a submissive that\u2019ll be tied up and spanked. If being tied up is too much too soon for your lover, start off with bringing a blindfold into the bedroom. Work up to things gently. On one night ask her to wear the blindfold and on the next night, you take a turn and wear it. <\/p>\n
Go ahead and ask her to play music that inspires her to take control something like Marilyn Manson, Nine Inch Nails or The Cure may give her an anthem to explore the dark side of herself. She may enjoy the wardrobe options that Kink has to offer. Leather, garters and high heels could let her dress up and really embody the role you want her to explore with you.<\/p>\n
Buy her the outfit that you see her wearing in your head and tell her to wear it to bed!<\/h2>\n
If you\u2019re interested in spanking then start off with administering pleasurable pain. You need not punish spank to achieve pleasure from pain. A play bite, a little hair pulling, a nibble of the nipple, a one well timed spank, these are all ways to heighten the sexual tension. For her to dare to go deeper in the water with you, she has to feel comfortable feeling uncomfortable. <\/p>\n
If and when she wants to venture deeper, browse the internet with her and discover S&M toys that perk both of your interest. Padded, Velcro handcuffs are a more comfortable alternative to metal handcuffs.<\/strong> If you\u2019re thinking of exploring the pain and pleasure of hot wax, then drip LELO massage candle wax on her, it\u2019ll double as massage oil. Did you know that there\u2019s a wireless LELO vibrator that YOU can control from the other side of the room while she\u2019s in the bathtub since its waterproof! The possibilities for S&M toys are bountiful, seek and ye shall find!<\/p>\nOnce upon a time, this Kinky Guru had a lover that loved to bite her.<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t bite me,\u201d I insisted.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t bite to hurt you. I bite you because you taste good. One day, you\u2019ll like it.\u201d He told me.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, I don\u2019t like it, I won\u2019t ever like it.\u201d I defended my naivety yet that day did come to bite back.<\/p>\n
I was already with another lover when I asked him, \u201cBaby, will you please bite me!\u2019<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy?\u201d he asked surprised.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause,\u201d I replied confidently, \u201cI like it and I taste good!\u2019<\/p>\n
In sexy summation, speak to your lover about your desire to explore your duality with her. Assure her that it comes from a place of love and respect. Watch an S&M movie together, talk about your fantasy while talking dirty and gage her reaction.<\/strong> Walk her into the water of the light ways you can explore these perversions. Have her choose a safe word that\u2019ll let you know when she\u2019s reached her boundary. Eventually she may surprise the two of you when she discovers something that she likes. If not, the erotic companionship of an escort may be a more appropriate partner for your naughty side.<\/p>\nYours truly, The Kinky Guru<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Dear Kinky Guru,<\/p>\n
I tried asking my lover if I could tie her up and spank her and she responded, \u201cLike Fifty Shades of Gray? Goodbye Christian.\u201d How does one explain that I have the deepest respect for you but I want to get off by disrespecting you?<\/p>\n
Signed,<\/p>\n
Naughty-but-nice-is-my-sugar-and-spice<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":15,"featured_media":13575,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"iawp_total_views":7,"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[130,970,24],"class_list":["post-2511","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice","tag-bondage","tag-s-and-m","tag-sex"],"yoast_head":"\n
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